気を遣わなくていい

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書いてあることに関して,俺が話したことを,少し思い出した.
確か「お前にはほんとに何も気を遣わなくていい」と言ったと思う.
「気を遣わなくていい」っていうのは,
俺はすごい褒め言葉として使っています.

「人とどれだけ仲良くなったか」と言うことの指標として,
「どれだけ気を遣わなくていいか」と言うことが使えると,
俺は思います.
ここで気を遣う,
と言うのは「配慮」じゃなくて「遠慮」のことです.

俺は基本的に人に対して遠慮はしないようにしてます.
人にもされたくないですし.
遠慮するということは,すなわち信用していない,
と言う事だと俺は思ってます.
思っている事が何もかも言えて,何もかも聞けて,
それでもなお関係を持ち続けたいと思えたときに初めて,
「人とどれだけ仲良くなったか」の指標は
一番上の所を示すんじゃないかなって.
逆に言うと,最終的に遠慮が残るような間柄であれば,
俺は必要ないとさえ思います.
だって,ずっと気を遣いながら人と接していくなんて
疲れるし楽しくないもの.
俺は人を信用して,嘘を付くことなく正直に生きていきたい.
自分にとっても相手にとっても.
それが一番,楽しい関係だと思います.

いかに多くの人と,いかに深く仲良くなれるか.
自分にとってそれが人生の有意義さの指標です.
自分の人生をもっと有意義にするために,俺は人に遠慮はしない.
今までそうやって生きてきたし,これからもきっとそう.
これは変わらないと思います.

母に「あんたは人に恵まれてるわ」と言われた事がありますが,
その意味が今はとても分かります.

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