そりゃそうだ。
誰だって心穏やかに居たいと思うし、ゴキゲンに毎日過ごしたいだろうと思う。
でも、あまりにも周りに迷惑だと思ったので、真面目に考えることにした。
どうしたら怒らなくて済むんだろうか。
みんなにどう思われてるのかはわかりませんが、
僕は基本的に怒りません。（怒ってないつもりです）
そう見えるとしたら、
・言い方が（たまに）冷たい時か
・本気で真面目な話をしている時か（いつも本気だけど）
・ただテンションが上がり過ぎている時か（なんだそれは・・・）
くらいかなと思います。
以上、自己分析。
でも唯一、なぜか怒ってしまう相手がいる。
考えてみれば、これはあまりに特殊で、異様。
「直球（変化球）を投げる」話を土曜の夜にした。
このことは色んな比喩を含んでいますが、
人に対しての言葉、問いの投げ方が真っ直ぐか婉曲か、という話です。
併せて、ミットと雪合戦の話が出た。
ミットの強さは人それぞれ違うから、
そんなに強く投げたらミットも破れるわ、とか、
そもそもボールを受け止めない、雪合戦状態で投げ合うやつもいる、とかそういう話。
そしてこれはいま考えたことだけど。
直球を投げると直球でしか返って来ないのが、普通、だと思う。
強くない、捕りやすい球を投げたら、同じようなものが返ってくるだろう。普通は。
捕りにくい球が来たら、イラッと来て、そういう球を投げ返す。
ケンカになるのはそういう時だと思う。
このアナロジーで言うと。
捕りにくい球が来た時に、捕りやすい球を投げ返せる力が必要になる。
・・・あれ、いつもは投げ返せているハズなのにな。
思ったけど、やっぱりこれは甘えでしかないだろう。相手に対する。
（お互い）「こんな球投げても捕れるだろ」
と思っているから、こうなる気がする。
球を捕る力は、本当はみんな同じようなレベルなのではないかな。
それを意識すれば、甘えることもなくなるのだろうか。
理屈ではわかっているのにね。
あとは、脊髄反射をどう止めるか、とか。
なんか・・・26年も経っているのに、成長しないな。
大事な問題だけど、こんなことを考えること自体、本当は無い方がいいのに。
そう思うとすごく空しいし、自分がものすごく無様だ。
誰だって心穏やかに居たいと思うし、ゴキゲンに毎日過ごしたいだろうと思う。
でも、あまりにも周りに迷惑だと思ったので、真面目に考えることにした。
どうしたら怒らなくて済むんだろうか。
みんなにどう思われてるのかはわかりませんが、
僕は基本的に怒りません。（怒ってないつもりです）
そう見えるとしたら、
・言い方が（たまに）冷たい時か
・本気で真面目な話をしている時か（いつも本気だけど）
・ただテンションが上がり過ぎている時か（なんだそれは・・・）
くらいかなと思います。
以上、自己分析。
でも唯一、なぜか怒ってしまう相手がいる。
考えてみれば、これはあまりに特殊で、異様。
「直球（変化球）を投げる」話を土曜の夜にした。
このことは色んな比喩を含んでいますが、
人に対しての言葉、問いの投げ方が真っ直ぐか婉曲か、という話です。
併せて、ミットと雪合戦の話が出た。
ミットの強さは人それぞれ違うから、
そんなに強く投げたらミットも破れるわ、とか、
そもそもボールを受け止めない、雪合戦状態で投げ合うやつもいる、とかそういう話。
そしてこれはいま考えたことだけど。
直球を投げると直球でしか返って来ないのが、普通、だと思う。
強くない、捕りやすい球を投げたら、同じようなものが返ってくるだろう。普通は。
捕りにくい球が来たら、イラッと来て、そういう球を投げ返す。
ケンカになるのはそういう時だと思う。
このアナロジーで言うと。
捕りにくい球が来た時に、捕りやすい球を投げ返せる力が必要になる。
・・・あれ、いつもは投げ返せているハズなのにな。
思ったけど、やっぱりこれは甘えでしかないだろう。相手に対する。
（お互い）「こんな球投げても捕れるだろ」
と思っているから、こうなる気がする。
球を捕る力は、本当はみんな同じようなレベルなのではないかな。
それを意識すれば、甘えることもなくなるのだろうか。
理屈ではわかっているのにね。
あとは、脊髄反射をどう止めるか、とか。
なんか・・・26年も経っているのに、成長しないな。
大事な問題だけど、こんなことを考えること自体、本当は無い方がいいのに。
そう思うとすごく空しいし、自分がものすごく無様だ。
二人は、他の人としゃべるときはとても論理的なんですが、二人きりでしゃべってるときは実は感情的なやりとりしかしてないんじゃないかな。
少し、うらやましくもある。
（電球）
論理的だと思っていたのは、錯覚だったのかもしれない。
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