自信はいいけど過信はだめですよ，とSちゃんに言われました．
今持ってるのが自信か過信か，と考えた場合，
結局のところ事が終わるまでわかんないなぁ，と思います．
この事に関して言えば，
試験に(2つとも)受かればそれは自信だった，
どっちかに落ちればそれは過信だった，って事になるのでしょう．
俺は今まで，過信してそれほど痛い目にあった事が無いのかも知れない．
だからこうやって何にでも自信を持てるんだと思います．
「一度失敗しなさい」
と母が言うのはきっと，それを知れと言うことなのでしょうね．
なぜ自信を持つか，持って生きていきたいか，と言うと
当然その方が楽しいと思えるからなわけで．
無理かも，無理かも，何て思ってたら勉強以外手に付かないし，
精神衛生上とてもよろしくなくて楽しくありません．
だから自分はまず何においても自信を持つようにして，
そこから始めようとしているのかも．
自分の中には，楽しい時間だけ，流れてるべきですからね．
当然，裏付けもします．
今回の事に関して言えば，
「大学院の枠が広がってる云々」が最初の自信を持つステップで，
「勉強する」と言うのが次のステップになるのかな．
勉強してある程度問題が解けたら，
「あ，これだったらいけるんじゃない？」
って思いますよ．解けなきゃ「やべっ」って思います．
やばかったらやばくなくなるまで頑張って勉強するだけなので．
それでやばくなくなった時，「いけるんじゃない？」って自信を持つの．
きっと俺は「勉強したのにやばくなくならなかった」事も経験して無いです．
大学院の入試に関して言えば，
最初のステップを踏んで，次のステップも踏んで，
「いけるんじゃない？」に到達してる段階です．
だから今はもう，何をやってたって良いと，自分では思います．
今日は部屋の片付けなんかしてますが，それで良いんです．
自分にとってこの考え方，と言うかやり方が変わるとしたら，
やはりそれは失敗した時だと思います．
その時にきっと「あれは自信じゃなくて過信だった」って思う．
思って改めて，もしかしたらキャラが変わるのかも知れない．
「なんとかなるやろー．」
って言わないキャラになるのかも知れない．
でも，
今はまだそんなこと想像も出来ないのですよね．
このままいけるって言う「自信」がありますから．
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